Nearly The News108

ROMNEY: CHRIST WOULDN’T WEAR NO JIMMY HAT
GOP presidential hopeful Mitt Romney says his opposition to forced insurance coverage for contraception is based on the teachings of his Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

“If the Son of God had sex, he would not have worn a condom or insisted his partners be on the pill,” said the devoutly Mormon candidate at a recent town hall. Romney pointed out the Bible never explicitly says women should have birth control coverage, and added that if we criminalize condoms, then only criminals will have fewer kids.

M.I.T.: PINK DOESN’T CUT IT
Cap News reports scientists at MIT have found that, contrary to popular belief, dying everyday products pink does not contribute to curing or treating breast cancer.

"It's been thought for years that carrying a pink water bottle or wearing a pink t-shirt or hat had some link to the successful treatment of breast cancer," said an MIT researcher. "It turns out a patient's chances of survival are pretty much the same no matter what color their stuff is.”

http://crystalair.com/story.php?id=201202001

And finally…
MOM NOT BUYING THE LINSANITY!
New Yorkers are in love with Jeremy Lin, the young un-drafted Asian American point guard of the New York Nicks, but his mom is less than thrilled with his recent performance.

“So he went nose to nose with Kobe, big deal,” says Shirley Lin, who can’t understand why her boy hasn’t won the championship already. “He’s been in the NBA two years, I don’t know why he doesn’t buckle down and try harder. He brings us nothing but shame.”

Thanks Tiger Mom. Words of inspiration for all of us.