So, it turns out that nicotine patches aren't just for quitters anymore. They can also be used to improve attention and memory in people who suffer from mild cognitive impairment (MCI) due to aging. In 67 non-smoking subjects of a study published at Neurology.org, the 34 who were given the nicotine patch for 6 months showed significant improvement on the Connors Continuous Performance Test as compared to those given a placebo.

Andrej, who was wearing a patch during taping, thought that it was risky to give nicotine to the older folks. "They're gonna stroke out."

"Dude, they're gonna die anyways," observes Eddie. "Who cares? If I'm 74 years old and have Alzheimer's, you can cover me in nicotine patches."

Andrej, for his part, wants something a little stronger than that. "I'm 74. I don't remember anything. Just make me feel good."

Dvorak: "You probably won't remember how to take the drugs..."

The study showed that the nicotine group regained 46 percent of longterm memory for their age, while the placebo group actually got worse. When Dvorak pointed out that he'd never heard of a negative placebo effect, Andrej quipped that maybe they forgot they were taking a placebo.

"They don't tell you they're giving you a placebo," noted Dvorak.

Dvorak: "So what have we learned from this story?"

Dorian: "I guess if you're losing your mind, get on the nicotine patch."

Not sure it's helped Andrej any.

Dvorak: "That's the best we can do, ladies and gentlemen..."