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Nearly The News Bank Fees, Christmas War and New Year's Puke! - NTN #099

MEVIOtoday

Jan 06, 2012 Bank Fees, Christmas War and New Year's Puke! - NTN #099

Nearly The News #99

BANKS TO CUSTOMERS: PAY UP, BRANIACS!
The Chicagodope.com is reporting that several of the nation’s leading banks will soon institute fees for customers who want to think about their money.

“We essentially view this as the price of convenience,” said a Citibank spokesperson.  “As stewards of our clients’ money, we are bound by law to keep it safe.  Yet, we find that many clients, even after they deposit their money with us, still want to think about it. They can’t have it both ways.”

The new fees are expected to range from $1 to $3 per thought.  Compulsive worriers and fans of the Snoop Dogg song "Gin and Juice” are expected to be amongst the hardest hit.

Mind on your money indeed.
http://www.thechicagodope.com/2011/12/24/banks-announce-fee-for-thinking-about-money/

WAR ON XMAS – BABY JESUS / INFANT ISRAELITE

A new ordinance by the Cambridge City Council says any manger scene placed in public view next year must be referred to as a "holiday barn."

According to Cap News, the council decided manger scenes in public might offend non Christians, but if they think of it as sort of a holiday petting zoo, it's fun for everybody.

Other changes under the ordinance will make Christmas trees "holiday tree," a dreidel a "holiday top" and a menorah a "holiday candleholder.”

http://www.crystalair.com/story.php?id=201112014

And finally…
2012 – YEAR OF THE TECHNICOLOR YAWN

Crystalair.com is also reporting on a new survey that shows a majority of Americans started the New Year by vomiting, for the most part involuntarily.

"It seems there is a very common belief that purging oneself is a natural way to put the previous year behind us and start anew," said a spokesperson for the Pew Research Center.

The survey of 5,000 Americans between the ages of 18 and 39 showed that 84 percent drank beer and/or liquor until they "called Ralph on the big white telephone," while the other 16 percent were all like “Dude, I’m so hung right now.”

Who the heck is running things over there at Pew?
http://www.crystalair.com/story.php?id=200812018