Nearly The News #084

SCAR JO TEASES HUNGRY BLACK BABIES
Oxfam Ambassador Scarlett Johansson and her breasts visited Kenya this week to see the devastating impact of the drought in East Africa.  "The scale of poverty in Dadaab is overwhelming," said Johansson as quoted by Cap News, her breasts apparently jiggling in agreement.  While in Kenya, Johansson's breasts posed with dozens of refugees who were glad to see such a prominent American actress's bosoms being brought to bear on their plight.
http://www.crystalair.com/story.php?id=201110004

SAD DAY – SILVER LINING
Apple founder and CEO Steve Jobs may have passed away, but there could be an upside for his young children. An insider tells NTN that for the first time, there’s a real shot the kids might get an Xbox for Christmas. “It might be time to move on to some non apple products in the Job’s house,” said the source, adding “Gears of War can let the healing begin.”

And finally…

HITLER TO HANK: HEY, LEAVE ME OUT OF THIS

Singer Hank Williams Junior’s recent comparison of President Obama to Hitler has drawn even more fire, this time from the dead Nazi leader himself.  Williams lost his gig opening broadcasts of Monday Night Football after making the comments on Fox News. And now Adolf Hitler has weighed in. “Don’t need to be dragged into this mess,” said the long dead Nazi in a statement. “Just like to do my time in hell quietly, and I’d appreciate it if you guys could come up with something more clever to call each other when you’re upset. I killed six million people, you really think it’s a fair comparison?  Hitler out.”